No Beer and No TV…

Come October, devil-inspired wine coolers will be moved from grocery stores to state-ran liquor stores, where they will be taxed consistently with state pricing: wine and liquor at 61% mark-up over cost plus taxes, beer at 75% plus taxes. But it’s a sin, and should be taxed as such.

The move is intended to convince the Mormon population that alcohol doesn’t exist. Or maybe it’s to prevent underage kids from driving drunk. Personally I can only hold one or two sips from a wine cooler before I am completely shit-faced. And that’s not even mentioning how popular wine coolers are among the 16-20 year old male population. It’s their crack.

At what point in time did this nation become totally subservient to children? Must every new law passed be based upon how good it will be for the children? We have all been thinking of the children for much too long now. Why are so many of our laws based upon a person’s first few years of life when they will eventually be exposed to the world? They may be the future, but I’m the present.

Take swearing for instance. I’m an adult, and I’m just as aware as any junior high kid that people use words that are termed “expletives.” Why should any special interest group be able to deem if a word is dirty and block it from TV and radio?

It doesn’t take a village to raise a child - it takes a parent. I don’t have any children, and I shouldn’t be punished as such. If I want to relax on my front porch drinking beer and listening to someone on the radio say “fuck,” I shouldn’t be arrested for public drunkenness and obscenity. I shouldn’t have to adopt your moral code in every day-to-day interaction so little Johnny thinks the world is sweet and wholesome. If you feel the need to shelter your children from the world then lock them in your basement - don’t make me jump through hoops to get a beer.

So hiding beer and marking it up to God-awful prices may prevent underage drunk driving. And it may convince people that nobody drinks. Or it might create a culture of secrecy with every kid trying to find out why it’s so hidden from public view. And once these over-sheltered kids are exposed to this gateway drug, it’s not long before they’ll be overdosing on heroine.